"The Four Elements" ~ May Ann Licudine

This bloggy blog is now 4 years old. I’ve considered giving this blog a very specific focus, but I’ve earned that life is not that way. These past four years have been a voyage, so the focus of this blog has changed a bit. But this year it has settled into a blog of various ransoms from someone who experiences veganism through a Chicana’s perspective. I’m very curious by nature, and will choose to experience most things that cross my curious path. In doing so I learn more about myself, and knowing myself has become a bigger, and more essential, endeavor.

Even though I have spent many years intentionally getting to know me, 2011 was all about taking that journey to another level. In my previous bloggiversay posts, I mentioned some life shifting events that left me feeling cautious about the future. Although there continued to be great turbulence, I can say that there was a whole lotta knowledge gained that I am so grateful for.

As for the vegan voyage, I have considered blogging about the vegan news of the day, but there is so much to write on and other blogs that do it well. For the most part, I want to start making small posts that link to other sites for the full story. Otherwise,  I will continue to touch on vegan news items that I feel moved to write more in-depth about.

There’s no doubt that veganism will continue to be mentioned in the mainstream, and as more people take on the decision to be vegan, I find it important to be very clear about what veganism is and is not. For this reason, it essential that the abolitionist voice continue to be heard.

My memories of Christmas are quite different. Usually the weekend before (or weekend of) Christmas, our family, friends, and anyone who walked through the front door, was given an apron and spoon and joined the tamale assembly line in our kitchen. My father always made the chile and filling, while it was everyone else’s job to spread the masa onto the corn husks. My mom would be the one to fill the tamales and arrange them into the steamer. The kids (including myself) always tried to get out of making them by doing a crappy job and hoping we’d get excused from the table. But that never happened. Every year we would run out of filling, so after my dad scoured the pantry, the last batch of tamales could be anything from canned mixed vegetables to hot dogs. Either way the result would be several dozens of tamales that would be given to those who helped, as well as neighbors, co-workers, and friends.

As the years passed, and people have moved away, the tamale assembly line has grown smaller. It’s almost non-existent really as my dad and brother are the only ones who make them. Each year my dad professes “This is the last year I’m making tamales!” and each year he makes them. In the past I would meet my dad where ever he decided to make them and help out, but even I haven’t done this in a few years.

This year, after he made tamales, my dad decided to stay home instead of coming to visit for Christmas. I understood, but couldn’t help feeling very nostalgic for family tradition. I had a hankering for bunuelos, atole, and tamales. So I asked a friend if he was up for cooking and a few hours later, we were in his kitchen whipping up 2 dozen vegan tamales.

Although the experience wasn’t the same as when I grew up, it felt really good to touch base with family tradition. As we made the tamales, memories of my family kept flooding my mind. This my first attempt at making tamales from start to finish, so I was a bit nervous about them not turning out right. For the last step of filling, wrapping, and placing the tamales in the steamer, I remembered my mother and father. These were the steps reserved for the head of the household, so it felt like a right of passage doing this part for the first time.

In the end, the tamales came out really close to how remembered as a kid. This always makes me happy since I’m vegan and the current recipe is modified to reflect that. Regionally, tamales vary. Some are rolled really small, tied with a strip of corn husk, or are wrapped in banana leaves. In my family they are wide and the corn husk is folded. Although they are time-consuming to make, it isn’t tedious. If you have several people helping it can be a fun and relaxing way to spent the day. I have to say though, the vegan version is so much easier. Preparing the filling takes only a few minutes and you don’t have to worry temperature control to keep the pork from going bad. I’m sure the pigs don’t mind either

Vegan Tamales

(makes 2 dozen)

Ingredients:

16 oz. package Corn Husks
2 Cups Maseca for tamales
1 1/2 Cups No-Chicken Broth (or strong vegetable broth)
1/4 Cup Oil (whichever you prefer. I used peanut)
1/8 teaspoon Salt
2 Packages of Soyrizo

Corn Husks:

In a large stock pot, place the corn husks in very warm water. Use a plate to weight the husks down. Allow the husks to soak until they are soft enough to fold without resistance or breaking (about 30 minutes). When husks are ready, drain all the water from the pot.

Masa:

Mix the Maseca, broth, oil and salt to the consistency of cookie dough (you may need to add a little more oil or broth to get the consistency you like). Do not over mix.

Filling:

Saute and break up the Soyrizo for about 5 minutes (or less).

Assembly:

Hold the husk in your palm with the point facing up and smooth side facing you. Spread masa dough onto the smooth side of the husk with a wet spoon. Do not spread the masa to edge of each side, bottom, or to the top of the husk. Leave about 1″ on each side and bottom, about 2″ form the top free of masa. When the masa gets tough to spread, wet the spoon. If it’s still too tough, add a little more broth and/or oil to the masa mixture.

Place a stripe of Soyrizo (about 1 Tbs) down the middle of the masa on the husk. Carefully fold the right then left sides. Now fold the pointed top down (it’s like putting on a jacket and hoodie). Place the folded tamale pointed side down on a cookie sheet.

Cooking:

When all tamales are assembled, place a vegetable steamer upside-down in a large stock pot (the steamer should look like a dome). add enough water to steam, but not so much that the water touches the tamales being placed. Use the left over soaked husks to line the sides of the pot (you can do this as you add the tamales). Place each tamal, open end up, in the pot until the pot is filled. You can double stack if you need to. Place the left over soaked husks over the top of the tamales (like a lid). Cover the pot with a tight fitting lid and steam on low heat for 1 hour.

Husk lining not shown

Check the tamales for doneness (if that isn’t a word, it should be). The masa should fall off the husk and be cooked throughout. If more time is needed, add water by using a measuring cup and pouring water slowly between the husk lining and pot. Check every 15 – 30 minutes. Our tamales took about 2 hours to cook. We were using an electric stove and I had it on a 3 setting.

Unwrap and enjoy!

Note: For variety, make batches of different fillings. Try faux chicken with vegan mole, Soy Cream Cheese with jalapenos, Vegan Chili beans, etc. You can also add spices to the masa that you think would compliment your filling.

A List That Will Save Your Sanity

For a full list of vendors at the BB in San Francisco, check this out: http://www.bazaarbizarre.org/sanfrancisco/shows/holidayshow/holidayvendors/. Bazaar Bizarre has locations in various cities so visit one near you.

Fiftyseven-thirtythree http://www.fiftyseven-thirtythree.com/: Oakland based and hella bad-ass. Crisp and bold images. “Ambition” and “Gold Fish Lady” almost made me cry.

Cody Vrosh http://codyvrosh.com/: I have a thing for gas masks. Always have. So when I saw Cody’s “A Gas Mask A Day Project” book, I knew I had to have it. I just about died when I saw his print “The Thin Line Between Love and Fist Fights”.

Monkey+Seal http://www.monkeyandseal.com/: This duo made me smile the most. They have an amazing collection of shirts, prints, zines, ties, stickers and other stuff. Don;t believe me? Check it out for yourself. They won me over with creations, but really won my heart when I saw that they offer workshops and free downloadable guides aimed at empowering artists.

Bella Koi Designs http://www.etsy.com/shop/BelaKoiDesigns: I’m not much for jewelry, but every once in a while, a designer creates something that captures my attention. This designer is not exception. She has an amazing eye for detail and her prices are extremely reasonable.

Bored Inc. http://www.boredinc.net/: Always cute with a variety of images from poop to puppies. They have items for infants to adults and includes; t-shirts, magnets, plush toys, sticker, and so much more.

Why Girls Go Astray Paper Crafts http://www.etsy.com/shop/whygirlsgoastray: Vases, platters, and plates unlike any other you’ve seen. Simply unique.

Binary Winter http://www.etsy.com/shop/binarywinter: What do you get the person who has everything? A “Dressed for Apocalypse” tie of course. Check out heir other designs for ties, hoodies, and t-shirts.

Gibberish http://www.etsy.com/shop/ShopGibberish: Need to shop for that nerdy crush of yours? Find the perfect gift here! Custom options are available too. How cute is that?

Compass Rose Jewelry http://shop.compassrosedesignjewelry.com/: Loads of cute stuff with steampunk flair. A little pricey, but worth it if you find a piece that steals your heart away.

Attic Journals http://atticjournals.com/: Do you miss Little Golden Books and Young People’s Encyclopedias? Well revisit your childhood with these journals made from classics books your grew up with.

For a full list of vendors at the 2011 Bazaar Bizarre go to: http://www.bazaarbizarre.org/sanfrancisco/shows/holidayshow/holidayvendors/

I was going to write about why choosing vegan makes sense during a time in which so many of us reflect on peace, gratitude, giving, compassion, and love. I was also going to write about how the exploitation of humans (the genocide of Native people, enslavement, rape, sex-trafficking, etc.) mirror that of the daily enslavement of countless animals.

But what it comes down to is this:

Either you choose this:

Every choice we make reveals what we value.

For those of you who value life, compassion, justice, freedom, and basic rights; I have compiled tried and true Vegan Thanksgiving recipes for you give a whirl. Over the years I have found that these recipes have pleased the palates of vegans and non-vegans alike.

Most vegan items (cream cheese, tofurky sausage, etc) can be found in the produce or natural/organic section of most grocery stores. Click on any text highlighted in orange to link to more information on that product.

Glazed Tofurky Roast

Important: Thaw frozen Roast in refrigerator for at least 24 hours prior to cooking.

1 Tofurky Roast
8 Whole cloves
2 potatoes, quartered and peeled
2 large carrots split down the middle and cut into 2” pieces
1 onion quartered and peeled
tin foil
Glaze:
1/4 c. agave nectar
1 tbsp. orange juice
1/2 tsp. Dijon style mustard

Pre-heat Oven to 400F.
Carefully remove roast from plastic casing and clips with knife or sharp scissors.
Place roast on sheet of tin foil or in casserole dish with tight-fitting cover.Insert cloves on the surface of the roast.
Surround thawed Stuffed Tofurky Roast with vegetables on tin foil (or in covered casserole dish).
In a separate container, mix all he ingredients of the glaze.
Thoroughly cover roast and veggies with 3⁄4 of the glaze
Cook in preheated oven at 400F for 45 minutes.
Open foil or casserole and pour remaining glaze over the roast.
Cover and cook for another 15 minutes.
Slice with serrated bread knife.

NOTE: If you are suing a frozen Tofurky, visit this link for instructions: http://www.tofurky.com/recipes/tofurky_recipes_instructions.html

Crock Pot Stuffing

2 cups chopped onions
2 cups chopped celery
1/4 cup chopped fresh parsley
1 (12 ounce) pkg sliced mushrooms
1 Small can (6 oz) of black olives
1 Small can (6 oz) of tomato sauce
12 cups bread crumbs
Salt to taste
1 1/2 teaspoons sage
1 teaspoon dried thyme
1/2 teaspoon ground black pepper
1/2 teaspoon marjoram
3 1/2 – 4 1/2 cups vegetable broth or not chicken broth

Using 1/4 C of veggie broth, sauté onion, celery, mushroom, and parsley.
In a very large mixing bowl pour sautéed veggies over bread crumbs.
Add 1/2 can of sliced olives (more or less as you like), all seasonings and toss together.
Pour in enough broth to moisten (I added extra broth halfway through for a moister stuffing).
Pack stuffing lightly into crock pot, pour 1/2 small can of tomato sauce over stuffing, and cover.
Set on High for 45 minutes; reduce to Low and cook for 3 – 4 hours.

Simple Garlic Mashed Potatoes

8 large red potatoes, peeled and chopped
4 tablespoons vegan margarine
1/2 cup plain non-dairy milk (I use soy)
1/4 cup vegetable or not-chicken-broth
1/4 teaspoon garlic powder
1/2 teaspoon sea salt
freshly ground black pepper, to taste

Fill a large, deep soup/stock pot halfway up with water, and add potatoes to the pot.
Bring to a boil over high heat until tender, about 10 minutes.
While the potatoes are boiling, place the margarine in a large mixing bowl.
When the potatoes are done, drain them, reserving 1/4 cup of the boiling water to mix with the bouillon.
Place the potatoes on top of the margarine in the bowl and mash with a potato masher.
Blend with an electric hand mixer, slowly adding the milk and broth as you mix.
Stop and scrape down the bowl.
Add the spices and salt and pepper and mix on high for 1-2 minutes, until nice and fluffy.
If they need to be warmed up, just make sure your bowl is oven-safe and pop them in a 350F oven for a few minutes.

Mushroom Gravy

3 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
1 8-ounce container mushrooms, thinly sliced
2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
1 cup vegetable broth or not chicken broth
1 cup unsweetened almond milk
Salt and pepper to taste

In a sauté pan over medium high heat, add 1 tablespoon of oil.
When oil is heated through, add sliced mushrooms.
Sauté for 7-10 minutes, or until tender.
Pour mushrooms into a side dish, and return sauté pan to the stove.
Heat remaining 2 tablespoons of oil over low heat.
Whisk in 2 tablespoons of flour.
Cook and whisk continuously for 30-35 minutes, or until roux is peanut butter brown.
Slowly and carefully pour in vegetable broth and almond milk while whisking continuously. Simmer for 15-20 minutes.
Stir in sautéed mushrooms.
Salt and pepper to taste.

Green Bean Casserole

1 1/2 pounds fresh green beans, trimmed and cut into bite-size pieces
2 quarts water
1 tablespoon salt
Sauce:
10 ounces mushrooms
3 cloves garlic, minced
generous pinch cayenne pepper
Salt to taste
Fresh pepper to taste
2 tablespoons flour
3/4 cup vegetable broth or not chicken broth
1 tablespoon dry sherry
3/4 cup plain soy coffee creamer (or soymilk)
Topping:
1 1/2 slices whole grain bread
1 tablespoon Earth Balance margarine
1/8 teaspoon salt
1/16 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
1 3-ounce can of french fried onions (Check of whey, milk, or egg ingredients.)

Preheat over to 425 F
Green Beans:
Set water to boil in a large pot.
While water is boiling, cut up the beans into 1 1/2 inch slices.
Once water is boiled, add salt and beans to the boiling water.
Cover and cook for 6 minutes.
Drain beans in a colander, and then spray for a minute with cold water to stop the cooking.
Let them drain in the colander, shaking every now and then to get off all the water.
Sauce:
Trim and discard the mushroom stems and chop the mushrooms into pieces.
Spray a non-stick pan with canola oil and heat it.
Add the mushrooms, garlic, cayenne, salt, and pepper.
Cook until mushrooms are very soft and exude their juices.
Whisk the flour into the vegetable broth and add to the mushrooms along with the sherry.
Simmer, stirring, until mixture thickens.
Add the soy creamer and simmer until thick, about 5 to 10 minutes.
Adjust the seasonings and stir in the beans.
Topping:
Put the bread, margarine, salt, and pepper into a food processor and pulse until crumbly.
Pour into a bowl and add the onions.
Stir to combine.
To assemble:
Put the green bean and sauce mixture into an oiled (if needed) casserole dish.
Top with the onion mixture.
Bake at 425 F for about 15 minutes.
If you are not serving this right away, refrigerate the topping separately; bring to room temperature before sprinkling the topping on the casserole and baking for about 20 minutes or until hot throughout.

Baked Apples and Yams

Water for boiling
6 to 8 yams
5 to 6 pippen or golden delicious apples, peeled and sliced into 1/8” – 1/4” slices (whichever you prefer)
Glazing:
1/2 cup vegan sugar
1 cup water
1/4 cup margarine
1 1/2 tablespoon cornstarch
1/2 teaspoon salt

Preheat oven to 350F
Boil yams until barely tender (whole or cut width wise, in big pieces).
While yams are boiling,
Grease casserole dish with a thin layer of margarine.
When yams are barely tender, remove from pan and let cool before peeling.
Once yams are cooled, slice into 1/8” – 1/4” slices (whichever you prefer)
Slice and alternate yams and peeled apple rings in casserole dish.
In a saucepan, combine glazing ingredients.
Stir over low to medium heat until it begins to thicken.
Pour over yams and apples.
Bake covered at 350F for 1 hr.

The “Can’t Get Enough of It” Baked Corn

15 oz can whole kernel corn
14 oz can cream style corn
8 oz vegan sour cream (Tofutti is easier to find)
1/2 cup melted margarine
Ener-G Egg Replacer to equal 2 eggs (found in the baking section of many grocery stores)
8 oz. ounces corn muffin mix (El Torito Sweet Corn Cake Mix is vegan. Check of whey, milk, or egg ingredients)

Preheat oven to 350F.
In a large bowl combine all ingredients.
Mix well and pour into one 9×13 inch baking pan.
Bake for 35 to 45 minutes.
Check for doneness with a toothpick by inserting toothpick in center of baked corn.
If it slides out clean, it is done.
Allow baked corn to cool before slicing into squares.

Cranberry Sauce

1 1/2 – 2 cups fresh cranberries
1 cup orange juice
1 cup vegan sugar (or other granulated sweetener)

In a medium saucepan bring the orange juice to a simmer.
Meanwhile, rinse the cranberries.
Once the juice is simmering, stir in the sugar.
Once sugar is dissolved, add cranberries.
Simmer, covered, until all of the cranberries have burst and mixture becomes thick and syrupy (about 30 minutes).
Taste-test to see if you’d like to add any more sweetener.
Allow the cranberry sauce to cool for at least 15 minutes.
It will thicken more as it cools.

Vegan Spanish Rice

Traditionally our family has Spanish (Mexican) Rice with most meals, therefore Thanksgiving in no exception. This is our family’s recipe made vegan.

12 inch frying pan, with tight fitting lid
2 cups long grain white rice
1/4 cup vegetable oil
1/2 yellow onion cut into 1 inch chunks
3 heaping tsp garlic powder
3/4 cup tomato puree
2 tsp. sea salt
2 3/4 cups of vegetable broth (or chicken free broth)

Add the oil to the pan and put heat on to medium high.
Add the rice and saute until golden brown (approximately 10 – 15 minutes).
Add the onion and saute another 5 – 10 minutes.
The important thing is to make sure the rice is toasted to a nice golden brown.
Add the tomato puree, broth,garlic powder, and salt.
Stir and turn heat up to high.
Bring to a full boil while stirring.
Continue to boil for 2 minutes.
Reduce heat to low, cover and simmer for 25 minutes. (no peeking!)

Note: If this is your first time making Spanish Rice, be aware it can be a temperamental dish. For some people it takes several tries to get it just they way they like it while others get it right the first time. Additionally Spanish Rice preferences vary from region to region (in the U.S. and internationally). This recipe is our basic family recipe. Try this one and once you get it down as you like it, feel free to experiment.

Vegan Pancit

IMPORTANT: Pancit does not cook like spaghetti so be careful not to overcook it as it will get soggy. All pancit needs is a quick hot bath to soften. You can find pancit noodles in Filipino and Asian Markets.

2 C Vegetable Broth (or 2 cubes Not-Chick’n Bouillon cubes + 2 C Water)
1/4 C soy sauce
1/2 tsp black pepper
1 package Tofurky Sausage (not Italian flavored) or Seitan
8 ounces pancit noodles or rice noodles (check for whey or egg in ingredients)
3 carrots into rounds
 (or julienne)
1 1/2 C mushrooms
1 onion into slices
1/2 C water

In a sauce pan, bring Vegetable broth to a boil
Turn off burner.
Add soy sauce and pepper to the water
Soak pancit noodles in hot tap water for about 5 minutes and drain (or soften noodles according to package directions) DO NOT OVERCOOK
Place noodles in a large roasting pan and set aside
Cut carrots into thin rounds (or julienne)
Cut onions and mushrooms into slices
In a non stick skillet saute onions for 1 minute
Add carrots and Tofurky sausage and saute until Tofurky sausage in browned.
Add in mushrooms and saute until tender.
Combine saute mixture into noodles.
Mix well and serve

Pumpkin Pie Cheesecake

IMPORTANT: This pie requires to be set overnight in the refrigerator.

1/2 cup of vegan sugar
1 15 oz. can of pumpkin
1 cup of soy milk (plain) (or other non dairy milk)
1/2 block silken tofu
1/4 teaspoon nutmeg
1/4 teaspoon cloves
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
1/2 container of vegan cream cheese
1 tablespoon (or more) of maple syrup
Graham Cracker Crust (Keebler brand is vegan, but check for honey, whey, eggs as recipes may change).

Preheat oven to 400F.
Set crust aside.
Blend all other ingredients until creamy texture.
Pour mixture into the crust and place in the oven at about 400F for 45 min – 1 hr 30 min (check in between time to make sure pie is becoming firm).
Place in fridge overnight.

ADDITIONAL RECIPES:

Recently, I have noticed that vegan recipes have come a long way and some amazingly crafted dinners, side dishes, and desserts just beg to be made. For this reason, I am also including two links for even more vegan goodness.

The following recipes can be found at http://veganbits.com/vegan-thanksgiving-recipes/

Main Dishes
Holiday Nut Loaf
Tofurky Take 2
Side Dishes
Cashew Gravy
Cranberry Sauce
Cumin Braised Brussels Sprouts
Garlic Potatoes
Green Beans with Balsamic Carmelized Red Onions
Orange Yams
Stuffing with Apples, Cranberries and Roasted Pecans
Walnut, Fig and Cranberry Cornbread Dressing
Desserts
Apple Pie
Tofu Pumpkin Pie
Beverages
Cranberry Punch
Vegan Eggnog

The following recipes can be found at http://www.vegkitchen.com/tips/vegetarian-thanksgiving/

Soups and Breads
Sweet Potato Soup
Squash, Sweet Potato, and Corn Chowder
Creamy Golden Potato-Squash Soup
Curried Pear and Squash Soup
Green Chili Cornbread
Sweet Potato-Spelt Biscuits

Seasonal Salads
Jicama Coleslaw
Jicama Salad with Oranges and Watercress
Jerusalem Artichoke Salad with Greens and Herbs
Cranberry Slaw
Mixed Greens with Apples, Carrots, and Pickled Beets
Spinach, Orange, and Red Cabbage Salad
Pear and Toasted Walnut Salad with Cranberry Vinaigrette

Main Dish Options
Butternut Squash With Whole Wheat, Wild Rice, & Onion Stuffing
Butternut Squash and Mixed Mushroom Lasagna
Winter Squash Stuffed with Mashed Potatoes and Peas
Millet-Stuffed Golden Squashes
“Three Sisters” Stew
Pueblo Corn Pie
Quick Black Bean and Sweet Potato Chili
Black Bean and Zucchini Tortilla Casserole
Hearty Vegetable Pot Pie
Tempeh Stew with Wine and Shiitake Mushrooms

Vegan Stuffings
Walnut-Apple Stuffing
Old-Fashioned Potato-Bread Stuffing
Sourdough Stuffing with Pine Nuts and Raisins
Cranberry-Pear Wild Rice Stuffing
Vegetable Bread Pudding
Bread Stuffing Casserole

Side Dishes
Wine-Glazed Brussels Sprouts
Roasted Brussels Sprouts in Balsamic Glaze
Cider-Braised Brussels Sprouts
Baked Sweet Potatoes and Apples
Maple and Tarragon Sweet Potatoes
Thyme-Scented Sweet Potatoes with Black Olives and Garlic
Contemporary Candied Yams
Mouthwatering Mashed Potatoes
with Groovy Onion Gravy
Red Quinoa Pilaf with Kale and Corn
Quinoa and Corn Pilaf with Pine Nuts
Festive Kale with Fennel, Cranberries, and Walnuts
Corn Pudding
Easy Mushroom Gravy (great for mashed or smashed potatoes)
Glazed Baked Onions
Cranberry-Apple Relish
Cranberry Chutney
Cranberry-Orange Sauce

Desserts
Easy Vegan Pumpkin or Squash Pie
Double-Layer Pumpkin Cheesecake
Chocolate Pumpkin Pie
Pumpkin Spice Ice Cream
Pumpkin Bread Pudding
Apple-Walnut Cobbler (wheat-free)
Pear and Apple Crumble
Cranberry Upside-Down Cake
Cranberry-Walnut Pie with Nutty Wheat Pie Crust

~

Last week I physically was starting to feel better and was feeling really excited about getting back into derby practice. I could still feel pain and discomfort, but it was to a lesser degree. I was also noticing an increase in my range of motion, although it was still limited.

As I skated the track I spoke with one of our coaches and it was decided that I would modify my skating that day. Despite this, I managed to re-injure my tailbone. It wasn’t even anything exciting. I was skating off the track when one of our coaches bumped into me by accident. I landed right on my ass and it was so incredibly painful.

It has been more painful than the initial injury, and is incredibly annoying. I feel it in everything I do so I can’t wait for this paint to go away. I’m officially off skates for the rest of Boot Camp, but will still be going to practice to at least learn what skills are needed for try-outs.

So I went to get my bum checked out at urgent care and by a chiropractor and it turns out that my tailbone is injured as it has a slight curve to it that wasn’t there before. The numbing is slowly wearing off and I can feel the pain more. My butt bruise has grown and my ability to sit has turned into an art form.

My chiropractor applied some warm gel stuff on me, pulled and pushed some areas, did some laser thing, and used some pulsing machine on me today which ended with a strip of Rock Tape (skull design – yeay) going from the inside of the crack on my ass to my lower back. I’m not sure how it works really, but I guess you can read about it here.

The tailbone injury is very deceiving as I can walk and do most things normally, but when it comes to bending down, knee drops, squatting, sitting, and certain stretches, the pain can be sharp and intense.

Today I noticed that after squatting into derby position, I could feel my tailbone being pulled and a low pulsing happening. I took breaks and jumped in for as long as I could. We were learning hip and butt blocks as well as hip and shoulder checks. I modified the drills so I could get use to the leg movements, and one of th trainers would go through the skills with me so I could get a better idea of how it feels. Another team member was injured so we  practiced off skates for a bit.

I managed to go through one full drill at the end, and it was good to feel like a part of the team again.

So my progress is small, and I am getting better at seeing where I am at, and where I can challenge myself, because it isn’t going to look like everyone else on the team. I’m not worried about catching up anymore. I’d like to practice more, and when this injury heals up a bit, I want to fall more.

Yes, you heard right. When my falling injury heals, I want to fall again, and again, and again, so that when I fall off guard, my natural reaction won’t be to stand up and fall back, but instead, will be to fall forward and do a knee drop and get back up. I just need to fall more to get over it. That fear is what holds me back so much.

Anyhow, From here on out it’s practicing very mindfully and revising older skills to help bring them up to speed.

Overall, the team looks great. It’s amazing to see whose blossomed through the pack!

I was doing okay having to stop and take back breaks, and then jumping back into the track. I was okay with stepping out of the track to practice a skills with our trainers/coaches as they offered. I was even okay with the partner push relay race we did (where I was definitely struggling, but having fun anyway). I was okay…up until we started practicing whips.

The first set was alright. I noticed how I was grabbing (taking) and how I whipping (giving). It all seemed fine until…

I had my left arm out and back. I looked back to see my partner and when she grabbed my arm and I whipped her I flew back myself. At first I thought it was a loss of balance thing that I could recover from, then it was just too much too fast and both my feet went into the air and I landed smack on my tailbone. Yup, ass to concrete. Thankfully I was wearing my crash pad shorts, or else I think the damage would have resulted in some kinda fracture. I heard some “are you okay?” and “get off the track” but I was dizzy, felt like the wind was knocked outta me, and in a pain that almost had me in tears. I think I was in shock. I was shook up for sure and when I got off the track and stood up, I was still dizzy and it was very obvious that I needed to sit down.

I gave it a bit before I got up to skate again. I was gun-shy about it, but skated outside the track since I wasn’t sure I was okay enough to keep up with the team in their next skill set. I didn’t want to slow them down or be a nuisance.

I decided to sit the rest of practice out since my tailbone was still somehow numb and hurting, and I didn’t know what kind of damage I did to it. I definitely  didn’t want to take the chance of falling on it again.

NOTE: I get it, it’s Roller Derby, you WILL fall A LOT! I have fallen enough to know that I just get back up and keep going. I even fell on my tailbone twice before and got up and skated, but the impact of those falls were nowhere near the one I did last night. I fell with the force of two people’s momentum last night and it was just as my tailbone began to feel somewhat okay from the previous falls last month. 

In all honesty I couldn’t remember what happened right before the fall so I had to ask my partner. I wasn’t going to have a fall like that and not learn from it. When she told me, then it made sense. It’s the answer to almost every “how can I do it better, so it doesn’t hurt, so I don’t fall” question. I needed to get low. If I am standing up or not low enough, I will fall back. I need to get low and into position.

So now I am icing and heating the crack of my ass AND using a doughnut to sit. Can you say Roller Derby Geriatrics?

(Not our team, but it gives a slight overview of what we’ve been learning)

In order for me to make it to Wednesday practice, I had to ask my boss if I could start work an hour early so I can leave an hour early. This means leaving home at 6 am, with all my gear, for the 40 minute drive to work, then changing into practice clothes just before leaving work and hour early.  It normally takes 45 minutes to get from where I work to where the practice site is, but at prime traffic hour, it can take anywhere from 1 hour to 1 1/2 hours.  This allows me (on a good day) 20 minutes to fully gear up at the warehouse and be on the rink by our start time (5:30).

Today was not one of those days.

I had most of my gear, but forgot my clothes. Traffic was heavy and I had just enough time to swing home and change. As I drove to the warehouse I began to wonder if I left my mouth guard at home. Shit, should I just go home, call it a day, and not go? There’s no way I have enough time to drive back and get it!

I walked into the warehouse with enough time to gear up, but alas, no mouth guard was to be found. Shit. I just spent a day where I woke up early, and drove home to change, to try to be on time, for nothing.

So I decided that while I was there I was going to be as engaged as possible. I stretched, did planks, squats, and watched and mimicked the footwork of the skills being taught. At the 25 in 5 I ran the inside track as much as I could and took notes as we learned how to skate in a pack, the one leg snow plow stop, and c cut.

Our coach was a bit harsher today with us as she really wants us to understand that we are, in fact, in team. By harsher I mean, we had to do push ups due to people who showed up late or if the team did not do what was asked during a drill/skill. What was made clear to me was that she was teaching us that although we are there for individual reasons, we are also there for each other. We need to motivate each other, problem solve with each other, and do what ever it takes to bring people up to their best potential.

After seeing our team, I began to feel really stoked. What an inspirational group of women! We rock! I was suddenly so inspired to put more energy and time into my practice. I scoped out a few outdoor locations for practice and I think I’m going to take my skates to work and practice during my lunch hour.