For a while I’ve known that (despite my better judgement) I tend to have relationships with people who are emotionally unavailable. I wasn’t sure why this kept happening since this is not what I want.
I asked a few people what they considered “normal” contact in a relatio
nship. How often do you call each other? How often do you see each other? Everyone I asked said almost daily. Three days of no contact was unacceptable and a sign of problems.
Here I was thinking that daily was too much and that calling maybe 2 times a week was normal. I was floored.
It was clear to me that I had become accustomed to neglect.
Naturally I looked back. I reflected on my choices and environment. I thought of my friends, sisters, brothers, and parents. What jumped out at me was unexpected. I realized that growing up I was taught that weakness is unacceptable.
Our family speaks so negatively of people (women) who are whiny, clingy, & needy. They are seen as weak.
So I naturally wanted to be the exact opposite of that.
Which is quiet, strong, self-sufficient. Independent to a fault. To the point where I push away everyone and attract only those who cannot (will not) give.
I am independent by nature. But I don’t want to be dependent. I know no middle ground to that. What does that look like in regards to relationships???