A Deeper Call to Being Child-Free

I knew from the age of 4 that I did not want to have children. “I’m going to have puppies!” was my declaration when someone imposed their kid-wanting assumptions on me, when I was just a kid myself (why do people do that?). Throughout my childhood, I didn’t like dolls and preferred stuffed animals. It…

Re-Adjusting: Resurrection and Transformation

If you have ever experienced the death (or loss) of a loved one, you know that your life becomes a series of firsts. First birthday without them, first holiday, first year, and so on. So here I am in my first month without him. These last 30-days have been a slow drip through the surreal….

Speaking of Winter…

Winter is my favorite season, however there is a bitter taste in my mouth about it now. I feel betrayed by the season which I usually find so much comfort in. This winter was a colder than usual one for both my father and I. This winter I turned inward to feel through and gestate…

Earthquakes and Landscapes: Day 1 without Dad

  Today I awoke on my first day home without my father. I had spent the greater part of February in his home 3-hours away, in an unexpected whirlwind of emotional chaos, intense vulnerability, and the eventual release of him as I watched him being taken away for cremation. I know enough to not expect…