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Category Archives: Mother’s Day

A Deeper Call to Being Child-Free

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child-within.jpg

Artist: Katie m. Berggren

I knew from the age of 4 that I did not want to have children. “I’m going to have puppies!” was my declaration when someone imposed their kid-wanting assumptions on me, when I was just a kid myself (why do people do that?). Throughout my childhood, I didn’t like dolls and preferred stuffed animals. It is believed that children hold the most genuine of truths, so I am happy to say that 40 years later, I have no regrets about being  child-free.

Throughout my teen and early adult years, the desire to have children did not present itself. “But what if you regret not having kids?” was the common response I received from others. As I grew older, I kept my mind open to the idea that I might meet the right person who would pull this maternal desire out of me. But that never happened. Except for two situations that lasted about a week, I never came up against a desire to have kids.

One of the situations where I did, was after a painful and disappointing relationship ended. I was in my late 20’s and believed that I had so much love to give, and needed to give it to someone who needed it. As I said before this lasted for about a week. I realized that, for me, this wasn’t a good enough reason to have kids. This belief was simply another co-dependent belief akin to my preexisting beliefs of: “if I only had the right relationship (job, home, lifestyle, etc.) then I will be whole and happy.” I think I knew then that replacing a baby for a relationship just wasn’t the answer.

As I look back, I am so glad I never became a mother. I know myself too well. I love my freedom and free-time. I cringe when it comes to unsolicited obligation and hate stopping what I’ve started. I know most people do, but when I have to sacrifice these things, I become depressingly miserable.

More importantly, I believe my life’s journey has been about growing and healing myself to the point that I truly needed to know how to mother myself. A few years ago, when I mentioned my decision to be child-free to a woman (that I have a lot of respect for), she replied with “You were too hurt”. I was immediately angry inside as my brain scrambled as if I had been clocked in the head. I didn’t know how to respond, and I didn’t want to ask for clarification. Now I know what she meant. This part of me that was hurt has always been here and wasn’t going to make room for anyone else, and I respect that. This hurt part in me needed me to be its mother, and being a mother to anyone else was not going to work.

I am grateful for my 20-something self that knew I couldn’t solve my heartbreak with a baby. There was a wisdom there that would reveal more of itself later. Yes, I do have so much love to give, and yes, there is someone who needs it. That person in need is myself, and I have more than enough on my plate when I take on that task.

Am I saying that you can’t mother yourself if you have kids? Absolutely not. I know many women who do a lot of inner-healing while raising children. Am I saying that every child-free person has a deep pain that needs healing? Definitely not. The decision to be child-free is an individual one, and I can only speak for myself. I have no desire to have children and  I truly believe that my decision to be child-free was born from a deep need for something else. There was a core place in me that was screaming for care, and needed all of me to attend to that care. Truth be told, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

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Expanding Your Understanding of Motherhood

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(The following videos do not contain slaughter images)

Mother’s Day is here, and it is so easy for many to forget that motherhood goes beyond the human animal.

Every animal has a mother and all animals have a sense of motherhood. The degree to which the maternal bonding occurs varies, but it is a sense of motherhood nonetheless.

So many people either do not know, or ignore the fact, that in the farming/slave industry the separation of mother and child (many times immediately after birth) is not only routine, but required. When a mother is separated from her babies, she experiences emotional distress. This not only happens once in her life, but over and over again until she is “spent” and no longer useful. In short, she lives a life of continuous emotional distress.

What human mother could endure such torture? If this occurred to human mothers would we be moved to end it?

The text used in the following video comes from a Peaceful Prairie Sanctuary pamphlet titled “Milk Comes From A Grieving Mother”.

Most people who decide to become vegetarian do so out of their caring for animals. Unfortunately, a vegetarian still contributes to the abuse of mothers by consuming eggs and milk products that come from grieving mothers. In going vegan you are making a complete compassionate choice that speaks for those who have no voice.

Peaceful Prairie Sanctuary is the only sanctuary I know of that does not contribute or condone “humane farming”. If you can, please visit their website, look at their literature, and contribute if you can. You can visit them at http://www.peacefulprairie.org/

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